Couples Therapy

There Are Many Reasons Couples Go Through Relationship Struggles

Couples will face disagreements and stressful situations over the course of their time together because no life exists without challenges, and no person goes through life without changing in some way. It is normal for most couples to disagree periodically, but sometimes those disagreements can feel insurmountable to get through without the help of a therapist.

The reasons for relationship struggles vary, but ineffective listening commonly leads to conflicts without resolution. In addition to communication issues, other areas that are difficult to navigate are often financial in nature, involve parenting strategies or goals, and pertain to work-life balance dynamics. Additionally, stress and external pressures such as job loss, the wishes and demands from extended family, and other major life changes can generate a lot of feelings and put strain on even the most seemingly stable couples. 

Looking at our past experiences can provide insight into why we react the way we do to conflicts and other life circumstances. Our families of origin, experiences in childhood, and previous relationships can all affect the current dynamics of our relationships in the present day.

While relationship issues are very common, it's how you deal with them that is most important. You and your partner can greatly benefit from having a middle person, a mediator, or an objective third party to help you discuss their challenges. You need an unbiased person to give you both guidance and understanding of your role in the conflicts that hold you back. Couples therapy can provide this for you, and my practice can help you focus on thriving instead of just surviving in your marriage or relationship.

Therapy Can Help You Look At Your Past To Build Hope For Your Future Together

My practice can provide you and your partner with healing and possibilities for a peaceful future together. We will get to the core of your issues as a couple and identify communication patterns you both have to find healthier approaches in therapy that focus on the love you share and the emotional bond you fostered. 

An important aspect of understanding your partner is identifying your attachment styles—which can impact how you seek out and receive love and intimacy in your relationship—and we can explore this in therapy without judgment.  

We will work on how to constructively resolve conflicts in a way that allows you to understand both of your responsibilities to the disagreement, viewing them even with compassion and empathy. Should issues of trust or betrayal be factors, I will work with both of you to address them in order to rebuild your sense of safety and reliability in your relationship. 

My Therapy Process And Treatment Methods

I follow the Gottman method for couples therapy which will help you both learn active and reflective listening skills, enable you to “turn towards” each other, as well as recognize and respond positively to both your needs for attention, affection, and support. We will identify the “four horsemen” in your relationship, which consist of conflict, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and find healthy methods to address them. 

I usually suggest couples create a weekly schedule to discuss issues and their progress, even outside of our time in therapy. You can set a timer for having uncomfortable discussions so that each partner has time to discuss their concerns without interruption.

Working through your challenges doesn’t have to be an overly serious process either. We can include humor, affection, and other methods to de-escalate conflict. I’ll encourage you both to build love maps (a thorough understanding of each other), nurture fondness and admiration, go on date nights, and rebuild a foundation of love and joy in your partnership.

You Might Still Have Concerns About Couples Therapy…

I am worried that nothing will change because our problems seem too difficult to resolve. 

Couples often worry about their marriage or relationship, whether it's due to past experiences that have left them without confidence, maybe even due to a counseling experience that didn’t go well, or because of how long they have struggled with their current situation. 

In order to form a healthy bond and foundation, you have to be willing and ready for change. Having the right couples counselor who understands you both well can help identify the changes you could make in your marriage or relationship that will truly make a lasting impact.

I am skeptical about the effectiveness of therapy in general.

If you are new to counseling and the Gottman method, I can provide you with reassuring, evidence-based information on how marriages and couples have found strength and happiness through this process. I aim to provide a neutral and supportive environment where you can express your thoughts and feelings openly, learn tools and strategies to help resolve conflicts, and focus on your relationship’s bond throughout the process. Therapy is an investment in the strength of your relationship that can last indefinitely. 

I am worried that others will judge us for seeing a couples therapist.

You don’t have to share any of the details of therapy with anyone, as it is as confidential as you want it to be. It's important to prioritize your relationship's health and well-being over others' opinions. Seeking help shows strength and a commitment to improving your relationship. Every couple could benefit from therapy, whether newly married, long-term partners, straight, or part of the LGBTQ community. Even the most seemingly well-adjusted and stable relationships or marriages run into difficulties over time, and a therapist can help you work out what has been holding you both back from living your best lives together. 

Couples Therapy Helps And I Look Forward To Working With You

Reach out to discuss how my practice can enable you both to work through your challenges and thrive in your relationship. Call me at 626-684-4906 or use my contact page to book a free, 15-minute consultation to learn how I can help you.